I've Got a River of Life Flowing Out of Me

• Remember that scene in The Naked Gun where Leslie Nielsen leaves a press conference to take a piss and leaves his lapel microphone on? As funny as that scene is, imagine if it had happened in church.
• I saw a picture today of Britney Spears "almost" dropping her child. Okay, folks. Enough is enough. Leave the poor gal alone. If I had paparazzi up my ass to document every time I dropped, almost dropped, tripped over, or accidentally knocked over my kids, I'd have Child Protective Services living in a tent in my backyard.
• We are going to see The DaVinci Code. I can hardly wait. Can you deal with that??? There's an old saying I love that goes: "those who can't do, critique." I read about the critics at Cannes who booed and jeered the film. Can't say I'm interested in the opinion of anyone who would behave so rudely. They're just lucky I wasn't there. They wouldn't have been the first unruly theatergoers to hear me say "shut the fuck up."
• Today, here in Omaha, it was confirmed that a body found was that of a young girl who has been missing for 6 months. Two other girls have recently gone missing. A body was pulled from the river. What a dark world. It's' situations like these that make me like the torture idea. You know, the filet knife and Clorox bath variety.
• Why don't people fart colored smoke?

Have a great weekend.