Spandex Fetishism

• A bumpersticker I saw yesterday: Hell . . . it ain't the heat, it's the humidity. Hmm, didn't know that.
• Words of profound wisdom from Larry the Cable guy: "The Lord Jesus died for my sins, and if I ain't sinnin', then he died in vain."
• If you work in a parking garage, I have a tip: If I'm pulling into the garage, you don't need to wave me in. I'm okay.
• I suddenly realized that even though I could name a lot of people that Justin Timberlake has dated, I have never heard him sing. Does he sound like a girl? 'Cause that's probably why.
  
• Rosie O'Donnell said recently that "radical Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam." Fucking idiot.
• Does anyone else find themselves lost in Wikipedia? The other day I spent two hours reading up on pro wrestlers I used to watch as a kid. I certainly don't watch wrestling anymore, but I couldn't stop myself from finding out what happened to Junkyard Dog (he's dead). Anyway, when you're wandering through Wikipedia, you never know where you're going to end up. You might, say, stumble across an article on spandex fetishism. You're welcome.
• I need to keep a parenting journal. The girls are saying and doing so many cool things, I keep thinking to myself, "I've gotta remember that!" Why is it that in order to fully appreciate a moment, you have to be acutely aware that the moment is going to end?
• Last night I finished the first draft of my second screenplay. I feel pretty damned good about this one. It's nice to finally feel like life is pushing you down a clear path. Of course, the odds are ridiculously long, but it's all been a refreshing change of pace.
  
• I became unbelievably aroused looking at this. I know some of you will, too.
• It suddenly occurred to me that next month is Halloween. Now I'm giddy. I'm thinking about being a fat Elvis this year. Not sure. All I know is that it's the most wonderful time of the year. Vampires, werewolves, witches, goblins, dank dungeons, misty woods, ah . . . I'm alive again.

Have we not heard the bells at midnight?