The Second Side

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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

"Teen Guilty of Assault After Penis Stunt"

Headline of the day.

A Waterloo teenager was sentenced to 60 days in custody yesterday after admitting in a Guelph court he tried to hit two other boys at a youth treatment centre in the face with his penis.

It's a manoeuvre known around the facility as "a helicopter."
(If he hadn't been making the thup, thup, thup helicopter sounds, he might've gotten away with it.)

Last Dec. 19, the two victims were lying on their beds at the Portage centre near Elora when the teen came in. He removed his penis from his pants and, while holding it, tried to strike the victims. He did not make contact with either boy.
(He missed? Maybe you shouldn't do the helicopter if you can't hit anything. Just do the "propeller hat" instead.)

7 Comments:

Blogger Tree said...

Okay, so this is a pretty gross thing to do to someone, but it doesn't really seem all that criminal, especially considering he didn't make contact. A month in custody seems a bit extreme. Then again, I don't have the whole story.

It's a funny image, nonetheless. Complete with sound effects.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Yes, I would think the humiliation of not being able to hit anything with one's "helicoper" would be punishment enough.

thup, thup, thup

4:30 PM  
Blogger Fletcher said...

Helicoptor. I might be able to play "pinwheel" on a good day. But that would be it. It would be consensual pinwheel, of course.

&

12:12 AM  
Blogger Tree said...

"consensual pinwheel"

Only one of us would come up with something like that. :-)

1:29 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

I was going to say the same thing. Haha.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Tree said...

I'm still enjoying the phrase "Penis Stunt."

Yet another splendid band name.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Just think of the crowds we would draw.

1:40 PM  

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