The Second Side

I could put something really witty here if I wanted.

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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Words to Live By

I thought it would be fun to peruse all the comment threads from the past year, and pull comments out at random and post them here, completely out-of-context. It was fun to relive some of the silliness we've engaged in together.

  • Mmmmm....Monica Belluci. I'm not a lesbian, but if I were...damn!, by Tree.
  • I think it's called "golden time" because that's when everyone pisses their pants, by Jimmy.
  • I'm guessing they had special velvet toilet paper flown in from France or something. They don't tell you that shit......, by Davis.
  • And naughty Jimmy, volunteering for shower duty, by Monkey.
  • If Maine is the tailpipe, what does that make Florida??, by Jimmy.
  • Tell that to the guys who whizzed on the electric fence. No science involved. Trial by error, I should think! HA!, by Davis.
  • Yeah, between the nudists and the flashers, all sorts of things are swingin', by Jimmy.
  • I'd go to church if they gave me free chocolate and had a weekly exorcism, by Chris.
  • Oh, yes... spank me... harder, harder. I would elect you in a minute, as long as you keep smoking those cigars. ;), by Defiantly Damned.
  • Chris and I should have healthy kids, since we don't normally wear deodorant, by Heather.
  • No, no, NO! Not the BUTTER KNIFE!!, by Defiantly Damned.
  • "Heey! Dat rook rike stohm!! Must take peetcha"!, by Davis.
  • Stop it! This is turning me on to no end, by Tree.
  • I've been told that I have lovely Welsh feet. Small, well formed, great arches. The rest of me is gruesome, however, by Fletcher.
  • No matter what, we're all gonna die! Aaarrrgghhhhhh!!!!!, by Chris.
  • What's with the little flowers, Mr. Happy-Pants?, by Davis.
  • So perhaps it was an exorcisim of a Russian Bigfoot?, by Chris.
  • You wouldn't think that female ejaculation would ever go out of style, but "to everything there is a season," by Jimmy.
  • I'm starting to think Dr. Phil was placed here by an "enemy" country. Anyone else?, by Stephanie.
  • That's it. I'm suing those bastards for using my pic to advertise their "girly" shorts, by Davis.
  • You must follow the Church of Fletcher! Obey the Fist! Obeeeeeyyy me! (Invader Zim), by Fletcher.
  • I'm not sure how one manages to shove a cell phone up one's ass, by Tree.
  • Great Glowing Gonads Batman!, by Stephanie.
  • That's really cool except that the rubbery-ness of her body started making me think of a corpse, although I suppose she could just be unconscious..., by Chris.
  • You bastard, by Davis.
  • You bastard, by Kati.
  • Jimmy! You no good bastard!, by Monkey.
  • Well, if you shoved an electric probe up my bum and activated it you'd get quite alot of viable sperm, too. The difference between me and the dead guy is that I'd be willing to cuddle and hold the probee afterwards. I'm thoughtful that way, by Fletcher.
  • Yeah, I'm a sucker for the slimy green ones with the vacant eyes. Tentacles are just a bonus, by Tree.
  • It's in the contract. They can't tell you for fear of John Voight whackin' their head off with a machete........(he's crazy, you know), by Davis.
  • This made me want to gouge out my eyeballs with a grapefruit spoon, by Tree.
  • God doesn't give a shit about Kabbala, by Jimmy.
  • I want that done too when I die. A volume of my erotic writings bound in my own skin. That'd be hot, by Tree.
  • I am not a PUSSY on the road and would have held the bitch off if it meant wrecking her, by Shad.
  • Weeee!! Free moon boots for everyone!!, by Stephanie.
  • That reminds me of the fat naked guy selling a tea kettle or something, by Davis.
  • I'm betting that the Chief in Texas does not actually have sex, by Stephanie.
  • I'm usually too self-conscious to flatulate in front of strangers, by Fletcher.
  • Scooby would bite Tim's wiener off, I bet, by Davis.
  • I alvays suspected da Borg vere Svedish, yah. "Ole, resistance is a-futile, dontcha know," by Jimmy.
  • When I first read this post, I thought why would someone want a skin for a penis from Billy Joel?, by Chris.
  • I never thought I would hit a website and see my brother's spandex covered ass. I'm scarred for life....., by Davis.
  • Is that a cucumber in your pants or are you just glad to see me?, by Tricia.
  • Amazingly enough, I have 4 hoes in my garage, by Kristin.
  • The iron corset is kinda hot, but the voyeuristic chamber pot gives me the creeps, by Tree.
  • Fletcher I do believe you need to tell your waiter how you want your placenta grilled, by Tricia.
  • Yes, I have invisible pee, by Wonder Woman.
  • The thought of penis replacement makes me wince. And I'm not even a guy! by Chris.
  • I couldn't read the bit about the Hieros Gamos without thinking of rabbit cock, by Tree.
  • My penis is small but functional, by Fletcher.
  • Obviously our worth is as potential fetal containers, by O.
  • I know that unless you wrap your kid in bubblewrap, at some point he's going to take a fall somewhere, by Chris.
  • If the Grail turns out to be the anthropomorphic incarnation of the feminine principle, as postulated by some, I wish to have a dip into her, by Fletcher.
  • Hey, if one farmer from Tatooine can blow up the whole Death Star with a little rocket blaster, the Enterprise would have absolutely no problems, by Heather.
  • Who you calling a sheat hed?, by Tricia.
  • Okay. So tell me. How much is a buttload, exactly? Is it bigger than a shitload, and less than a fuckload?, by Tree.
  • I can't believe they even need a term for licking the eyeballs for sexual arousal, by Chris.
  • I don't think "fun girl" on the ass of a 5 year old is fun at all, by Kristin.
  • Some things shouldn't be shared, but I had a cat that meowed back if you burped at him, by Monkey.
  • The boys are all about armpit farts now, by Davis.
  • Oooh, I think my cat looks like Hitler too. Except he has two balls, by Tricia.
  • That horse has an awesome ass, by Monkey.
  • It's people like him that give the rest of us pot-smokers a bad name, by Heather.
Y'all crack me up. Really.


Blogger Tree said...

Oh man, that was awesome!

We need a tape recorder at The Gathering. We're gonna be pissing our pants with laughter, I'm sure.

Word Ver: vxblo
Hrm. I think it involves Vicks Vapor Rub and fellatio. How and why, I'm not sure.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Davis said...

I'm tingling already........
(and breathing easier. Hey! This shit really works!)

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

Awesome!! I like things out of context! I miss Monkey.....

I'm still sticking with the Church o' Fletch

3:10 PM  
Blogger Defiantly Damned said...

Jimmy, you truly are my comic relief. Vicks and fellatio? Hmmm... how about Vicks and cunni? ;)

2:35 AM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Tree: Are you sure there should be recording equipment present? Ha.

Davis: How did I know you'd be the first to try it??

Stephanie: Your "moon boots" comment makes me giggle every time. All Hail His Fletcherness.

DD: I'm curious what effect Vick's would have on a person's tongue . . .

7:42 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

You couldn't have chosen better comments for me, everyone thinks I'm a dirty, drugged-out hippie, thanks a lot!

I wish I could Gather with you guys...maybe next time...I'll tell Fletch to tell everyone "hi", since I get to see him before you do, nyah nyah!


8:14 PM  
Blogger O said...

I am shocked!

Jimmy, what a brilliant idea. I loved many. but this one:

God doesn't give a shit about Kabbala.

For whatever reason, this was the one that ultimately broke me. I stopped reading at all and laughed for a long while.


10:39 PM  
Blogger Davis said...

dd said cunni....(he-he)

Tree- we will record.....we will.

I imagine the conversations alone would be worth the post.

We should all post it at the same time on the same day, on our respective blogs...


W.V. covksbta (I think it's Russian whore talk, but I don't know for sure. Any Russian whores out there to help me out?)

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank god for my current vocal inability, I would have laughed out loud. Definately made me smile, something I haven't done today..lets think..thats because all I did was sleep..

12:58 AM  
Blogger Fletcher said...

WE need software to transcribe the sounds to words. You have a Mac, right? I mean an Apple computer, not a coat made for flashing. :)

Gods, don't put my voice on the Internet! I'll be doomed! DOOOOMED!

Well, I've been quite sucsessful with Altoids and cunni, which should be a close approximation to Vick's.

But I'm a kinky, bastard.

You are not dirty! Well, wait. I mean, you bathe regularly.

You just made full Priestess in my Church and can add extra sparklies to your dress robes.

Jimmy, thank you. I've been bummed out for over a week and these just brought me out of it.


1:19 AM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Heather: So sorry if I left the wrong impression. Although I did show that you are on the right side of the "Kirk vs. Vader" debate.

O: I'm glad we're amused by God's views on Kabbala. Also glad to know I won't burst into flames alone.

Davis: The Gathering might warrant its very own blog . . .

Kristin: All you did was sleep? That's not what I've been reading . . .

Fletcher: I'm glad I could bring you out of your funk. You contributed quite a few guffaws yourself.

9:59 PM  

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