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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I Want to See Madonna's Balls

  • I've always been a Madonna fan, but she's really starting to bore me, especially with her latest publicity stunt—staging a crucifixion at her concert. Now, everybody knows that the only two religious groups unprotected by the P.C. police are Catholics and Christians, so picking on them is so easy it's an act of cowardice. So, Madonna, if you really want to be shocking and offensive, how about coming on stage wearing a burka and simulating sex with Mohammed? You could begin your encore by performing in blackface. C'mon, Madonna, let's see your balls.
  • I hate fat white guys with goatees and ballcaps who drive big 4-wheel-drive pickups. Hate 'em.
  • Watching Sesame Street yesterday with my girls, I was livid to see that Cookie Monster now eats fruit, and he has been admonished that cookies are a "once-in-a-while" snack. Fruity Monster? Fuckers.
  • A school district in Texas has enacted the following rule: The display of cleavage is unacceptable. Low cut blouses, tops, sweaters, etc. with plunging necklines are not allowed. That cans it (sorry). I'm homeschoolin'. If I'm going to pay thousands for my teenaged daughters' boob jobs, I expect them to be able to show it off! If I had cleavage, I'd post it here.
  • I've read a couple of reviews of Oliver Stone's new movie about the 9/11 attacks. Several have said that it's "too soon." No, it isn't. It happened five years ago, and it's way past time for our filmmakers and other artists to be commenting upon it. Hide under a bed if you're too sensitive. And if you're a film critic, please . . . never come out.
  • This past week marked the 40th anniversary of the release of The Beatles's Revolver. A true work of art. If you don't have it, go buy it right now. Not only is it frequently voted one of the best albums ever made, it is also the favorite of my two-year-old daughters. They love to hear "the ooo song" ("Here, There and Everywhere"), "the good song" ("Good Day Sunshine") and Yeyow Submanine. What other recommendation do you need?
  • I'm going to run up the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum punching the air and singing "Gonna Fly Now."

7 Comments:

Blogger Defiantly Damned said...

I love balls.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

I find them to be a bit of an annoyance, really. Always swinging around, unbelievably vulnerable. You can have mine, if you want.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Fletcher said...

You may play with mine if you like. But I'll need them back. I'm quite attached to them.

Madonna in a burka fucking Mohammed singing "Closer" by NiN.

Fat white guy with a goatee, here. Technically, it's a Van-dyke, that that's OK. I hate ball caps and can't afford to fuel a truck. Want a horse. Or a dragon. Or a Unicorn. Hrm, not a virgin, though.

My daughter is probably been stolen away to Texas. I should try to enact a rescue mission. Not that I want her to show her cleavage, since she will be 12 in nine days and alas, is starting to HAVE cleavage.

I live near the Pentagram Building. It's amazing the total lack of plane wreckage and the small amount of damage that occurred. Oh well. I'm sure They Know Best.

Morgan used to get excited and say "It's the 'Love and Marriage' show, papa!". "Married with Children" There is hope, I guess.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Defiantly Damned said...

Um... Jimmy, my dear... I told Dave what you said about hating fat white guys with goatees and ballcaps who drive trucks.

Dave is now sad. :(

10:23 PM  
Blogger Defiantly Damned said...

But I still love balls.

Balls are kind of like boobs in the sense that they are always in the way and vulnerable. And I suppose some boobs do alot of swinging around like your balls, Jimmy.

10:26 PM  
Blogger Tricia said...

I hate fat white guys with goatees and ballcaps who drive big 4-wheel-drive pickups. Hate 'em.

You hate Larry the Cable Guy?
Surely you jest!

I bite my thumb at you sir.

11:59 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Okay, I should clarify my "fat white guys with goatees" comment.

First of all, if you are a friend of mine, you are automatically immune from any of my criticism.

I'm talking about the macho, NRA-types that try to bully you on the highway.

As a white guy who frequently wears goatees and struggles with weight, I must make the distinction. Heh, heh.

8:38 PM  

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