The Second Side

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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Monday, August 07, 2006

How wide are those slats, exactly?

You can't make this shit up:

Deckchair trapped testicles

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.

Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.

His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.

But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.

He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half.

Jimmy has some questions:

  1. How, exactly, do you begin such a call?
  2. Instead of cutting the chair in half, why didn't they just dunk his balls into a glass of ice water to shrink them down again?
  3. How far down does your sack have to hang in order for this to be a problem? The story says his nuts expanded as he "lay in the sun." Think about it. Your bag would have to hang down past your asshole, through the slats and still hang low enough to allow for warmth expansion.
  4. What kind of saw did they use?
  5. Did they put a cup on his scrotum to protect it from flying splinters?
I can see why he didn't wear a bathing suit. I don't think they make them big enough to support a package that big.


Blogger Fletcher said...

I dread getting older. I'm already an AC/DC song.


11:21 PM  
Blogger Defiantly Damned said...


I'll say it again... I love balls.

6:25 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

"She's got big balls, and he's got big balls, and I've got big balls, they're such great big balls."

10:43 AM  
Blogger Chris Jart said...

Why didn't they just drag the deck chair into the ocean and wait for his balls to shrink again? Or why didn't HE somehow do that to avoid the embarrassment?

11:36 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I have a question. Why didn't he feel them slip between the slats? I mean not that I know much about having balls but I would think you would feel them slipping through the slats. I bet he put them there on purpose.

1:08 AM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Chris: Well, he could've walked to the beach, but the chair would've smacked against his ass with every step.

Jill: That's a good point. I am an authority on having balls, and I can assure you that I would have noticed. "Hey! Where do you think you're going??"

2:44 PM  

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