The Second Side

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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Some Crap I Thought About

  • The American Museum of Natural History in New York City has a new exhibition: "Mythic Creatures: Dragons, Unicorns and Mermaids." One thing we learn is that Christopher Columbus once reported seeing three mermaids while at sea. "Many scientists now agree that what Columbus probably saw was a manatee, an aquatic mammal that resembles a flippered hippo." Now, I don't know if mermaids are real or not, but these scientists would have us believe that Columbus thought he saw this, but he really saw this. Hey, it's a mistake anyone could make.
  • I exited a giant bookstore the other day, and another lady exited just before me. The security detector thingys went off, and she went back in to see if an employee needed to check her receipt. Nobody came, so she started to walk out again, and the alarm went off again. Back in she went. Again nobody came. I advised her to just leave. I ignore those alarms. I just walk out. I'm not a thief, and won't go slinking back into the store, asking for permission to leave. If you think I stole from you, you're free to chase me down in the parking lot, but be careful about jumping me--this is not the fat Jimmy from the days of yore, heh-heh.
  • Not sure why, but I was reading up on the presidential candidates of both parties, and something jumped out at me. I read that Barack Obama wants to take the "tit-for-tat" out of American politics. Coincidentally, I read that Bill Clinton is fine with removing the tats, but would prefer to keep the tits.
  • A Tennessee deputy lost his job for accepting a blow job from a porn star in exchange for ignoring the drugs in her car. Yeah, well, he still got a blow job from a porn star.
  • I saw a bumper sticker on a car whose driver must've had a death wish. I can't remember the specific wording, but it was something about George Bush and what a Big-Brotherish dictator he is. This kid was swerving between lanes, driving dangerously fast and riding peoples' asses and finally running a red light. Now, if you want to express your hatred for Bush on your car, you'll get no complaint from me, but if you exhibit the kind of selfish, reckless, irresponsible behavior that forces governments to pass more "nanny state" laws, I think you've forfeited any moral high ground. Don't complain about the solution when you're part of the problem.
  • I spent last night watching John Wayne movies. The Duke would've been 100 years old today, Pilgrim.
  • Last night, I thought I heard something in my daughters' room, so I looked in on them to make sure they were asleep. They were laying in bed, on their sides, facing each other and just talking. No rowdiness or arguing, just having a conversation, enjoying each others' company. I am not worthy.


Blogger Defiantly Damned said...

Nice boobs on the mermaid, huh? :) Yes, I completely understand where manatees might be mistaken for mermaids... it is so obvious. Duh.

I, too, love those innocent, pure moments between the kids. Although they often hasten my journey to Crazyland, the joyous occasions where they can enjoy each other, love each other, share, care, and watch out for one another make the journey entirely worthwhile. :)

8:38 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I love little moments between children! Way to go on the hot bod :) I've been horrible about getting to the gym this month. Sydney loves, loves manatees....seriously. We are going to San Diego this summer to go to seaworld and her surprise is that they have manatees! lol!
Christopher Columbus must have been hard up (or soft..hehe) to think a manatee was a hot chick. Or he had bad taste! LOL! g-night I need sleep!

3:02 AM  
Blogger Fletcher said...

I've been horny in my time and have a great imagination, but I'm just not getting there.

Train the sheeple! When the buzzer sounds, report to the nearest Authority!

They can remove the tit and tat from politics, as long as they leave the legs and asses. Hey! I like legs and asses!

The young man on the road: This is why I was made to take the molecular disruptor from my own vehicle. The paperwork.

Yeah... kids... It must be smoky in here, my eyes are misty.


3:01 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

DD: Is it just me, or do the mermaid boobs look "enhanced?"

Yes, it's those unscripted moments with children that really get me. Sure, it's thrilling to see them learn letters and numbers and all of the things we teach them, but when they impress with love and caring at a level you can't possibly teach. Wow.

Kristin: Well, not sure it it's a hot bod yet, but it's getting there, ha. You could cut diamonds with my ass. Actually, don't make me prove it, because the diamonds would most certainly cut my ass bad.

I hope the manatee has tits as nice as the mermaid . . . for hubby's sake, of course.

Fletcher: I hear you, man. No amount of horniness would allow a manatee to take the place of a mermaid.

I agree, politics needs more legs and ass. For the last several elections, I've voted for the candidate who had the hottest wife and daughters. It's been tough choosing the last few times, I'll admit. There, my secret's out. Gore vs. Bush was really tough. Tipper vs. Laura, Bush daughters vs. Gore daughters, ahhh. I agonized over that one, truly.

10:23 AM  

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