The Second Side

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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

All About Derrieres

According to a recent scientific study, Kylie Minogue has about the perfect ass. The mathematical formula that proves it is (S+C) x (B+F)/T=V, which obviously means:

S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness.

V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

So, if you ladies assess your asses and feel that your tush resembles a "trodden doughnut," you would score low for shape.

Dr Holmes's research revealed that men and women had different opinions when it came to deciding on the best bottoms.

While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue's pert symmetry more agreeable.

I'm afraid I prefer the larger, curvier kind, but pert symmetry will certainly do.

And that's the bottom line (sorry).


Blogger Fletcher said...

Since I tend to be qualified as an 'ass-man' as opposed to a 'breast-man', I must disagree with the official findings. You are also talking to someone with a waif-goth fetish* and yet I find Kylie's posterior brings a state of underwood. It may also be that I despite her otherwise pleasing shape, she doesn't 'do it' for me.

* For the record, I believe that it was the mother of my daughter who turned me to waifs. She weighed 112 lbs the day our daughter was born. You'd think after she ripped out my heart that I'd now be inclined towards the opposite, but I'll leave that to you wetware specialists.

Back to the important matter at hand: The female tush.

So now I can't find a SINGLE picture of a well known celebrity ass.

Searches bring up lots of porn.
Ah well. It's really the eyes and smile that sucker me in, every time.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

I didn't know Kylie was still around. Last I saw of her was her "Loco-Motion" cover in the 80's. Apparently, brandishing her tush helped her "comeback." Hey, whatever works, man.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

I'm surprised the ladies didn't weigh in on this.

10:40 PM  

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