All About Derrieres

According to a recent scientific study, Kylie Minogue has about the perfect ass. The mathematical formula that proves it is (S+C) x (B+F)/T=V, which obviously means:

S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness.

V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

So, if you ladies assess your asses and feel that your tush resembles a "trodden doughnut," you would score low for shape.

Dr Holmes's research revealed that men and women had different opinions when it came to deciding on the best bottoms.

While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue's pert symmetry more agreeable.

I'm afraid I prefer the larger, curvier kind, but pert symmetry will certainly do.

And that's the bottom line (sorry).