A Note to eBay Sellers

I'm getting tired of you lazy-ass sellers on eBay. Some sellers are very good and professional, but too many of you need the following advice:

• When I'm buying something from you, that makes you the merchant and me the customer, and it is up to you to make sure I'm satisfied with the transaction. Therefore, don't sit around waiting for me to leave you positive feedback before you leave your own. If I've paid for the item, I've satisfied my obligations as a buyer and you have no good reason to hold back feedback.
• It doesn't cost $8 to ship a DVD. If you want a guaranteed amount for your item, add it to the opening bid, but don't insult me with outrageously inflated shipping costs.
• When I have purchased something, I expect an email within 2 business days thanking me for my purchase and informing me when the item will be shipped. I should not have to babysit you and contact you after a week to find out where the hell my purchase is. If there's a delay, fine. Not a problem. Just keep me in the know.
• Learn to write a decent description.
  
• Learn some grammar.
  
• WRITING IN ALL CAPS IS THE MARK OF AN AMATEUR!!!!!! Having a list of terms and conditions that reads longer than War and Peace is the mark of an idiot. Having terms and conditions that are full of terse commands to the buyer is the mark of an asshole.
• Learn to spell. I've seen spelling on eBay that looks like someone let their cat walk across the keyboard. Actual quote: "Please do not bid if you DONNOT agree the above terms . . ." Okay, I willn't bid for that case. Stupid ass.
  
• Do some market research. I'm not about to pay $30 (plus shipping) for a used book I can get new for $20. Don't waste space with such a dipshit listing.

I suppose I could just say "be considerate" or "follow the Golden Rule," but what fun would that be? Shape up.