A Funny Thing Happened at the Store . . .

• I was in the checkout lane at the grocery store earlier today, and the young lady behind the counter wished me a "Happy Father's Day." Reflexively, I said, "You, too!" Then I had to explain that I didn't mean to imply that she was somebody's father.
• I was in another checkout lane today, and when the checker was done scanning my items, she pointed to the items belonging to the lady behind me and asked if we were together. I said no, then turned to the lady and said "we must make a convincing couple." She gasped, laughed, harrumphed, hiccuped, wheezed and said "I'm much too old for you." Boy, that was much more fun than I had anticipated.
• It seems that the Bush administration is secretly pushing a North American Superstate outside of Congressional oversight. It is being formulated in the NAFTA office in the Department of Commerce. Now we know why Congress is foot-dragging the illegal immigration issue. We'll all be citizens of the North American Union before we know it, so there's no point deporting anyone.
• Speaking of Bush, he complimented a White House reporter on his new scarf . . . we call 'em neckties, George.
• At a concert in Omaha, Bright Eyes singer Conor Oberst referred to President Bush as an "idiot." Wow, Conor. What astute political analysis. I'm not saying I disagree with you, but please make a better effort if you want to mix in politics. We're not all starstruck 14-year-olds.
• Speaking of singers-who-run-their-mouths, am I the only one who feels it's time for the Dixie Chicks to come down off of their cross? I might feel sympathy if they'd said anything intelligent, but like Conor, it was just a vacuous insult. I agree that the response was overblown, but for different reasons. I found it ridiculous that they wrapped themselves in the American flag as heroines of the First Amendment over such a stupid comment. It was an offense to real martyrs of free speech who paid the ultimate price for saying things that were truly important. You're "Not Ready to Make Nice" Natalie? Fair enough, but I'm Not Ready to Give a Whooly Shit.
• Speaking of music: I heard "Wild, Wild West" on the radio today, and took note of the lyric "heading for the 90s, living in the wild, wild west." Crickey, remember when we were "heading for the 90s"? The End of the Innocence.
• I heard Jewel's "You Were Meant for Me" in the grocery store, and she must have re-recorded the song. She sounded like she was drunk, stoned and crying at the same time. It was very, very bad.
  
• I've decided that "Won't Get Fooled Again" is the most perfect rock song ever. The evidence: Rebellious lyrics ("the hypnotized never lie"), thundering bass line, the primal scream, meaty guitar riffs, Keith Moon drum solo. I rest my case.
• A lesbian artist in Ontario is serving up breast milk cocktails. No, really. She will interview all donors to decide the right type of glass to use to highlight the uniqueness of each woman's milk. Make mine a pina colada.
• I saw a plump girl in the store today wearing a (too small) shirt that read "Husky Cheerleader." Honey, I'd change mascots if I were you.
  
• Well, here I am. A dad. Only creatures as proud and tough as us could survive repeated (accidental) blows to the testicles. Here's to the dads.

Well, I'm off to watch a Disney movie with my family. Life is good. Have a great weekend.