The Second Side

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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Blow, Buckle and Go


Unfortunately, not as good as it sounds. Volvo is testing several new gadgets to make driving safer. The first one is a breathalyzer‚—not just for convicted drunk drivers, but everyone. Second is a high-tech seatbelt that will prevent the car from starting unless the belt is latched. Third is a smart key that can be programmed to limit the vehicle to preset speeds. Fourth is a specially designed seat that will measure the width of your ass and send a coded satellite message to the Department of Health recommending a mandatory diet . . . okay I made the last one up, but just you wait.
A Volvo spokesman, however, doubts that such oversight would be tolerated in the United States. Apparently, this spokesman has never heard of sobriety checkpoints, traffic light cameras and seatbelt laws.

6 Comments:

Blogger Steph said...

Big brother...

8:29 AM  
Blogger Monkey said...

Fucking smart car.

(Excuse me, just had a hellacious trip with Calzone.)

7:38 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

Monkey, would he have benefitted from a couple of these gadgets?

4:59 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

The car might have burst into flames if Calzone had blown into the breathalyzer.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

There's a little disclaimer on the bottom:

*Not dragon approved*

3:32 PM  
Anonymous JAXX said...

That 4th option will be added soon I am sure.

2:23 PM  

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