The Second Side

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When you stop believing in coincidence, paranoia is only a heartbeat away.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I Fired My Muse

  • I saw a girl at the store who wore those britches that have words written across the ass. Her ass read "Juicy." What with all the wiggling and twitching, it was hard to read, and I tried not to look, honestly I did, but I like to read, and I considered the text across her bouncing butt to be a challenge, so I accepted. Really, though, is "Juicy" the word you want associated with your tushie? Sounds like something you would see the doctor for. Consider synonyms for "juicy": dank, dewey, dripping, humid, oozy, pulpy . . . okay I'll stop.
  • I'm considering marketing my own line of pants with the phrase "meaty, beaty, big and bouncy" across the ass. Anyone care to test market it for me??
  • We converted half our basement into a little movie theater. We purchased a home theater projector, painted half a wall with movie screen paint and it works pretty slick. We tested it out by watching Star Wars. What I love about that movie is that whenever I see it, I am 6-years-old again, sitting in the Sun Theater in Holdrege, Nebraska, with eyes wide open in wonder, scarcely able to believe that people could create something so awe-inspiring. Few things take me back so vividly. I'll always be grateful to George Lucas for that.
  • Al Gore recently told Larry King that the debate over global warming in the scientific community is "completely over." Well, no it isn't, but I like the tactic Al is using: simply declare the argument over. I'm going to try this with Mrs. Jimmy. "Honey, the debate is completely over." I'll let you know how it goes.
  • My girls don't like flies. They're scared of them. One entered the dining room while they ate, and Abby said, "Daddy, get the bug." Laura said, with deep conviction in her voice, "Daddy'll get it." So, chest swelling, nostrils flaring and clutching the rolled-up Sunday paper, I bravely set forth to kill a creature about one millionth my size. After several whiffs, I decided I was never going to win. So, I loudly swatted the counter and proclaimed myself the winner. The girls cheered me, and then the fly reappeared. The girls frowned and said, "Daddy, you didn't get it." This is why you don't lie.
  • Oculolinctus refers to the act of licking a partner's eyeball for sexual arousal.
  • Bizarre headline of the day: "Anna Nicole Smith's Former Stepson Dead at 67."
  • I fired my muse. I had grown too dependent on her. Her name is Cindy. Not sure how she got that name. She has long red hair. She is the subject of a painting that used to hang in our office. She sits in a boat. The look on her face is mysterious. She could be sad or angry or about to laugh. You just can't tell. She is still in the house, only in the bedroom now. She had grown unreliable, and I had grown tired of waiting for inspiration to come to me. I've shifted to the Jack London school of thought: "Don't wait for inspiration, go after it with a club." Now, in Cindy's place is a stark print of the Mary Celeste. It's a reminder to me that life is mysterious, and I love the mystery.
Have a mysterious weekend.

10 Comments:

Blogger Heather said...

Did you know you posted this twice, Jimmy? Not that I'm complaining or anything, I do love to read about what goes on in that bizarre mind of yours.


Home theatres rock!

12:22 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Oops! Thanks for the heads-up. It was almost 2 a.m., after all.

And you're more than welcome to browse my twisted gray matter anytime . . .

2:07 PM  
Blogger Fletcher said...

I was staring at a nice ass today upon which was written the word "Hollister".
She was too cute. The sweats were green.
Is "Hollister" a University?

I was 12 when I saw the trailer for "Star Wars".

I can remember it quite clearly. I saw the trailer and then two things happened: First, I had to literally remind myself to breathe as I'd forgotten because I was so overwhelmed. Second, I was angry, because I realised that this movie was not the one we would be seeing that day. I knew that when I came in, but the trailer had such an effect on me.

Yeah, don't lie to the kids. They are smarter than we.

Eyeball licking. Well, I like the licking.

Muses. I need one. I like redheads.

2:57 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

University of preppy pre-teen clothing.

I remember on a road trip once there was a young girl with her family at a rest stop with the words juicy on her bum. And yeah....she should not have been calling attention to that part of her body, at all!! I just couldn't believe that her parents (who were walking right next to her) had let her out of the house in the outfit.

It was gross.

But funny.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Davis said...

Once again, thanks for the
"eye-sex". I need a cigarette....

10:43 PM  
Blogger Davis said...

I
was hoping someone would say this before me....

You fired your "muse",from your office, and now she's in your bedroom.....

Nope, she's not fired....
She just has a new job.....(.)(.)


\/

HA!!!

2:38 AM  
Blogger Chris Jart said...

I can't believe they even need a term for licking the eyeballs for sexual arousal. What next? Please, don't tell me.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

Fletcher: I saw another billboard ass, but I can't remember what it said . . . which speaks well for the ass, I suppose.

I remember seeing the Star Wars trailer, and my reaction was the same as yours. I remember people cheering and applauding. People used to do that at the movies. When Rocky would floor Mr. T., the place would erupt.

Steph: I saw a girl in the mall with her dad who had ass-writing pants. She was way to young to be dressed like that. I wonder if girls get away with that sort of thing with their dads because daddies don't allow themselves to see their daughters as sex objects? I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Davis: Oh, right. The muse wasn't fired, she just changed positions, heh-heh.

Chris: I wonder if eyeball licking is considered cheating . . . or a sign of mental illness? I'm sure there's a website for it. I'm also sure Davis has already found it.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Just in case you were all wondering, I did a paper on "trends" and such for a class in college and Juicy is actually refuring to the brand "juicy couture". Its funny because who has a famous ass? Jennifer Lopez, and she is the one who started the juicy trend. When reporters started commenting on her "juicy ass" she stopped wearing them, apparently she needs to inform the "trand addoring public".
I have a pair of "cozy pants' that say "Nebraska" Across the ass...I didn't mind them until my daughter wanted a pair...we saw some at Target that said "Fun Girl" across the ass and I about ran out of the section. I don't think "fun girl" on the ass of a 5 year old is fun at all....whats next?

word verification: fyhfsxcc - the sound you make when trying to hold in a sneeze.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

this thing needs spell check its hard to write with a 5 month old banging on the keys the whole time LOL...sorry for the 4th grade grammar !

2:08 PM  

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