tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-147873672011-04-21T20:55:54.127-05:00I could put something really witty here if I wanted.Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.comBlogger2781100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-34769012595339422852007-09-10T19:43:00.000-05:002007-09-10T19:45:16.729-05:00

I'm over there now. See you 'round.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-75407156172801148472007-06-01T10:45:00.001-05:002007-06-09T09:47:25.664-05:00

We got a recorded message on our answering machine from a company urging us to extend our vehicle warranty so we could have the "peace of mind you deserve." Well, that's pretty presumptuous, isn't it? How do they know I deserve peace of mind? Suppose I deserve all the mental anguish I get all the way to the grave? Hmmm?I saw a commercial for the TV show "Hell's Kitchen." A prick of a chef

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-43229872916419571382007-06-01T10:24:00.000-05:002007-06-01T10:41:25.076-05:00

I'm in the small town I grew up in. I leave a grocery store carrying two plastic bags of stuff. I walk over to the street I live on. As I pass a house where a friend of mine lives, someone opens fire with an AK-47. I'm hit. Three in the neck, two in the back, two in the ass. I've never been shot, but in the dream, it feels like hammer blows, with acid poured into the holes.I make it to a

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-15420531796540155262007-06-01T10:23:00.000-05:002007-06-01T10:24:26.997-05:00

What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word "mystery"?

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-65822437707405416382007-05-26T11:19:00.000-05:002007-05-26T11:40:23.870-05:00

The American Museum of Natural History in New York City has a new exhibition: "Mythic Creatures: Dragons, Unicorns and Mermaids." One thing we learn is that Christopher Columbus once reported seeing three mermaids while at sea. "Many scientists now agree that what Columbus probably saw was a manatee, an aquatic mammal that resembles a flippered hippo." Now, I don't know if mermaids are real or

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-5772260270176862082007-05-26T10:47:00.000-05:002007-05-26T11:05:03.747-05:00

Hello, everyone. Hard to believe it's been over three months since I've posted, but I have good reasons. In early April, I started the Body-for-Life program, which involves a mix of weight lifting, cardio and six carbohydrate/protein meals per day. It's been going well. I started at 229 lbs., and I'm now at 206. Twenty-three pounds gone in 6 weeks. I lost the first 16 lbs. in the first

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-51396287358935805672007-02-10T16:56:00.000-06:002007-02-10T18:00:40.904-06:00

Hello, everyone.Sorry to have been away. I've missed everyone, and missed our little coven. It was time for some much-needed hibernation.Today I am 36 years old. I am now closer to 40 than 30. Eh.Doug Peterson, spokesman at Johnson Space Center in Houston, said the following about nutjob astronaut Lisa Nowak: "Everything I've ever seen gave evidence to me that Lisa was one of our good

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1168657732565456282007-01-12T21:08:00.000-06:002007-01-12T21:08:52.600-06:00

The headline and the photo do not belong together . . . I hope.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1166124407772121872006-12-14T13:25:00.000-06:002006-12-14T13:26:47.810-06:00

Quite funny when read aloud:Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." RS: "Ow July den?"G: "What??"RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"G

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1164948921581059182006-11-30T22:49:00.000-06:002006-11-30T22:55:21.626-06:00

I'm going to get out of this box soon. No, not Britney Spears'.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1161280858457861722006-10-19T12:58:00.000-05:002006-10-19T13:00:58.503-05:00

I'm guessing that once you've read the sign, you have all the advice you need.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1160880397381388742006-10-17T21:28:00.000-05:002006-10-18T11:28:21.760-05:00

Today, we had a phone message. After the beep, the message began with the caller in mid-sentence, meaning they were talking before the beep, which means they were talking during our recorded greeting, which means they are fucking stoopid, I guess.I love October. It's my favorite month. When the leaves turn and a chill seizes the air, there's nothing I love more than to sit down with a cup of

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1160973912117319772006-10-15T23:38:00.000-05:002006-10-15T23:45:12.190-05:00

An interesting item in the news: "Do Real Men Wear Flip-Flops?" And I quote:"I'm always baffled at what makes men think women will be attracted to them in a two-for-$10 pair of Wal-Mart flip-flops," he said. "No one wants to look at a man's dirty, hairy, nasty toes. And whenever you see a man wearing flip-flops, 90 percent are not groomed toes—that probably hurt the cause of flip-flops more than

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1160665808237883392006-10-12T10:03:00.000-05:002006-10-12T10:10:08.326-05:00

If you want a good gag gift, or want to mess with people's minds, you can order these hilarious book flaps.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1160107692274238172006-10-05T22:58:00.000-05:002006-10-05T23:08:12.276-05:00

According to Iran's Ayatolla Khameini, if you masturbate during Ramadan, it invalidates your fasting. But, what if you "shake hands with the general" but don't spunk? Then what? So says the Ayatolla:If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a ḥarām (forbidden) act. But, if he intends masturbation or he

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1159894773408555902006-10-03T11:52:00.000-05:002006-10-03T11:59:33.473-05:00

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1159893420295108202006-10-03T11:05:00.000-05:002006-10-03T11:37:00.450-05:00

Ashton Kutcher says that Bill Clinton ignored him while chatting up his wife, Demi Moore. As much as it pains me, I have to take Bill's side on this one, Ashton. If I'm ever at a table with you and Demi, you may as well be in China, cuz I won't know you're there.A recent article in The Sun claims that George Michael is "off his trolley." "Off his trolley" . . . I like that.The gig for the

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1159502535675286802006-09-28T22:42:00.000-05:002006-09-28T23:26:40.096-05:00

The news is not good:According to Bob Woodward, Henry Kissinger is a frequent (and secret) visitor and advisor to George Bush. This is horrible, horrible news, worse than even the knee-jerk Bush-haters could possibly imagine. It brings to mind what I consider to be Dubya's most breathtaking act of hubris: his attempt to get Kissinger appointed chairman of the 9/11 Commission. Thank God that one

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1159500887649478112006-09-28T22:17:00.000-05:002006-09-28T22:37:37.863-05:00

What do you do if you're a billionaire who has everything you could possibly want? Why, marry your daughter, of course.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1159209788913694122006-09-25T12:58:00.000-05:002006-09-26T21:16:38.190-05:00

Yes, I'm still here. It's been a busy time. I've finished my second screenplay, and am practicing for a gig this Friday. In the audience? The Nebraska governor and members of the Nebraska Congressional delegation. Should be interesting. I'll give a report.First of all, here's a headline for you. The article might make you lose your appetite, though.We dined out with my wife's sister and

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1157651408111530722006-09-14T10:30:00.000-05:002006-09-14T11:07:23.016-05:00

A bumpersticker I saw yesterday: Hell . . . it ain't the heat, it's the humidity. Hmm, didn't know that.Words of profound wisdom from Larry the Cable guy: "The Lord Jesus died for my sins, and if I ain't sinnin', then he died in vain."If you work in a parking garage, I have a tip: If I'm pulling into the garage, you don't need to wave me in. I'm okay.I suddenly realized that even though I could

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1157810732689914882006-09-09T09:02:00.000-05:002006-09-09T09:05:32.733-05:00

Here's some more silliness for us all to try. Make your own concert ticket.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1157650682678310522006-09-07T12:35:00.000-05:002006-09-07T12:38:02.750-05:00

Did anyone else have these trading cards as a kid? They were a take-off on popular products of the day. Boy, I had forgotten all about these. Funny.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1157474248211671342006-09-05T11:35:00.000-05:002006-09-05T11:37:28.246-05:00

Oh, you just gotta love this, my friends. A series of Star Trek-themed spoofs on those annoying inspirational posters in your boss's office.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1156904380364235482006-08-29T21:06:00.000-05:002006-09-01T16:00:12.656-05:00

I can't draw Woody (that's Woody from Toy Story, Davis, not a woody). My daughters asked me to draw Woody for them, but my drawings made him look stoned. One rendition made him look like Oliver Hardy.I saw a Dell commercial the other day. A man calls the Dell help line, and someone- speaking with perfect English-answers the phone on the first ring, and says "Welcome to Dell, what can we build

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1156304251490537052006-08-24T22:37:00.000-05:002006-08-24T22:59:36.966-05:00

Got your attention, eh? Well, what is your first reaction to this pic?It's nice to see some things don't change. While watching Mr. Rogers with my girls, he came through the door, singing his theme song like always, changing his shoes and into his sweater, then said, "Hi, neighbor, I've been thinking about zippers today." Me, too, Fred. Me, too. A botched sewer line repair caused sewage to

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1156096393924013702006-08-22T12:49:00.000-05:002006-08-22T11:25:06.026-05:00

Just to put it in perspective, you live on that little blue and green ball, the one dwarfed by the solar eruption. I think I can see my giant goddamn willow tree from here.My dad works with a man named Richard Edward (last name unknown). Dick Ed. Poor bastard. "Hi, Dick Ed! How was work?" I could do this all day. Speaking of my dad, yesterday I thought I heard a semi's air brakes outside my house

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1156096167987357932006-08-21T12:49:00.000-05:002006-08-21T12:05:46.566-05:00

An interesting photo from a recent pro-polygamy rally. All I know is that it's hard enough to remember one anniversary.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1156124120609663152006-08-20T20:26:00.000-05:002006-08-20T20:35:20.650-05:00

Headline of the day.A Waterloo teenager was sentenced to 60 days in custody yesterday after admitting in a Guelph court he tried to hit two other boys at a youth treatment centre in the face with his penis.It's a manoeuvre known around the facility as "a helicopter."(If he hadn't been making the thup, thup, thup helicopter sounds, he might've gotten away with it.)Last Dec. 19, the two victims

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1155708617163489622006-08-16T00:23:00.000-05:002006-08-18T12:49:43.516-05:00

Looks like I'm the last one to weigh in on that hurricane of laughter and frivolity that hit Philadelphia this past weekend that we called The Gathering. Seven jolly bloggers--most of whom had never met in person--went to the time and expense to meet in the sometimes misnamed "City of Brotherly Love."I had my first cheesesteak sandwich. Oh, Lord. That was good. With provolone. Oh, Lord. That

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1155139207495508202006-08-09T10:54:00.000-05:002006-08-09T11:00:07.553-05:00

A 757 flying across a full moon, lit up by the morning sun. Cool, eh?

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1155138835160747492006-08-09T10:46:00.000-05:002006-08-09T10:53:55.220-05:00

A gallery of strange monuments from around the world.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1154964659681576532006-08-07T11:15:00.000-05:002006-08-07T11:28:17.853-05:00

I've always been a Madonna fan, but she's really starting to bore me, especially with her latest publicity stunt—staging a crucifixion at her concert. Now, everybody knows that the only two religious groups unprotected by the P.C. police are Catholics and Christians, so picking on them is so easy it's an act of cowardice. So, Madonna, if you really want to be shocking and offensive, how about

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1154967985666371552006-08-07T11:00:00.000-05:002006-08-07T11:27:53.743-05:00

You can't make this shit up:Deckchair trapped testicles A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck. Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata. His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1154569423199083752006-08-02T20:38:00.000-05:002006-08-06T23:45:22.223-05:00

I thought it would be fun to peruse all the comment threads from the past year, and pull comments out at random and post them here, completely out-of-context. It was fun to relive some of the silliness we've engaged in together. Mmmmm....Monica Belluci. I'm not a lesbian, but if I were...damn!, by Tree. I think it's called "golden time" because that's when everyone pisses their pants, by

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1154568740790479162006-08-02T20:31:00.000-05:002006-08-02T20:32:20.793-05:00

Today I received a spam email selling Viagra. The pitch? "I know your dick is short." Well, ain't that a beauty? That's the way to sell me something, yessir."I know your dick is short, care to give to the United Way?""I know your dick is short, you'd look lovely in this Hummer."Jesus.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1154394489289509252006-07-31T19:36:00.000-05:002006-07-31T20:13:54.746-05:00

I suddenly realized that last week marked the one-year anniversary of The Second Side silliness. Time flies. I was in the library today, taking a leak in the men's room, when I saw some graffitti scrawled above the urinal: "I will pay you ten bucks to piss in my mouth," along with a blank space for time and date. To my right, some derelict stood at the sink, brushing his teeth. Needless to

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1152904036452836942006-07-27T11:22:00.000-05:002006-07-27T11:25:14.870-05:00

You see those ripples on your abdomen? It would be pretty cool to still have those at 35, so stay active. Right now, the world is a pretty safe and cozy place. You have lots of friends. Grandma and Grandma live in their house in Holdrege, the cookie jar fully stocked. Granny is in her trailer, waiting to tell you interesting stories. Some day all of this will be gone. Cherish it. Remember that

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1153242277591833712006-07-18T11:41:00.000-05:002006-07-21T12:44:53.176-05:00

A family of birds have a nest over our outdoor garage light. Their little chicks have hatched, and the adults are extremely protective. This morning, one of them dive-bombed me so close I had to duck. Another one came in right behind and I could feel its wings graze my hair. Thoroughly pissed, when the next one came for a swipe, I swung my arm like Barry Bonds and swatted that bastard high into

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1153076395557087272006-07-16T13:57:00.000-05:002006-07-16T13:59:55.603-05:00

I laughed so hard at this, I needed a hanky. Cats that look like Hitler, otherwise known as "Kitlers." Funny stuff.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1152933230054135942006-07-14T22:12:00.000-05:002006-07-14T22:13:50.093-05:00

It's been awhile, but I've posted a new story at Sketches of an Hour. Hope you enjoy.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1152738736205128872006-07-12T15:56:00.000-05:002006-07-12T21:34:36.426-05:00

A new study shows that mothers think their babies' poop smells better than other children's. It shows that humans can determine biological relatedness through body odors. This is not to be confused with the study indicating most moms and dads don't think their shit stinks at all. Speaking of children, I've noticed that my girls love to cut a rug to the Rolling Stones or the Doobie Brothers,

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1152211308902444702006-07-06T13:32:00.000-05:002006-07-06T13:41:49.106-05:00

Nickolas Buckalew, a teenager from Vermont, is going to jail for disinterring a corpse and stealing its head to use as a bong. Among the details in the story that can be placed in the "No Shit" file:"A psychiatrist has diagnosed Buckalew with mental health issues." The most shocking part of the crime? "On April 8, 2005, Buckalew broke into a tomb, opened the lid of a casket and cut off the

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1151823181756516462006-07-01T23:43:00.000-05:002006-07-02T01:53:02.080-05:00

I love scented candles. My current favorite is called vanilla sugar. The aroma gets me all hot and bothered. The fun thing about getting a new candle is sneaking up behind my wife and saying "Hey, smell this." I was in a giant retail store, and I saw a young girl begging her mother to get her a snow cone machine. The mother resisted, and eventually said "oh, all right." The pure joy on

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1151453520988333162006-06-27T18:23:00.000-05:002006-06-27T21:12:59.356-05:00

Today marks the fourth anniversary of the death of The Who bassist John Entwistle. "The Ox," as Entwistle was known, pioneered electric rock bass, and with Keith Moon formed the most devastating rhythm section in rock history. He died only one day before The Who were to launch their North American tour. If you've seen their performance in The Concert for New York City, you can tell it was going

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1150688514111030702006-06-24T01:33:00.000-05:002006-06-24T14:05:48.923-05:00

I saw a girl at the store who wore those britches that have words written across the ass. Her ass read "Juicy." What with all the wiggling and twitching, it was hard to read, and I tried not to look, honestly I did, but I like to read, and I considered the text across her bouncing butt to be a challenge, so I accepted. Really, though, is "Juicy" the word you want associated with your tushie?

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1150731361569803542006-06-19T10:30:00.000-05:002006-06-19T13:28:49.090-05:00

Check out Cosmotions for some of the coolest time-lapse gifs ever.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1150721943447552192006-06-19T07:55:00.000-05:002006-06-19T07:59:56.560-05:00

Recently, while cleaning out old files and boxes, I came across this letter from my grandma, gone 6 years this November. I miss her. It was nice to talk to her again.Mon. P.M. Dear Tracey & Jim,So nice to have you out here for a visit.I saw this article in the paper and thought you might like to look at it. I wonder how our "Cornhuskers" will do now in the Big 12? I hope they keep doing good.It's

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1150666886661125242006-06-18T16:08:00.000-05:002006-06-18T16:46:01.900-05:00

I was in the checkout lane at the grocery store earlier today, and the young lady behind the counter wished me a "Happy Father's Day." Reflexively, I said, "You, too!" Then I had to explain that I didn't mean to imply that she was somebody's father. I was in another checkout lane today, and when the checker was done scanning my items, she pointed to the items belonging to the lady behind me

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1150226402664181312006-06-13T14:07:00.000-05:002006-06-13T14:20:02.703-05:00

At a cool blog, The Voice of the Munkey, I came across a site where you can create your own Picasso. You can see my piece of crap here.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1150214832052524182006-06-13T11:04:00.000-05:002006-06-13T11:07:12.120-05:00

The water must be good, because another good friend of mine has lept into the blogger pool. Defiantly Damned (that's an alias, Davis), has her own blog now. Again, feel free to stop by and say hello if you're so moved.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1150174464159978312006-06-12T23:54:00.000-05:002006-06-14T11:02:14.573-05:00

Wow. Times flies. I've been busy nonstop for the last few days, and I've been remiss in keeping up with y'all, but now I'm here to make up for it. It's late. The family is in bed, and there's no one here to supervise me. I believe I'll borrow Tree's "stream-of-consciousness" blogging. Here goes: I hate protesters. The obnoxious kind. I hate their chanting and yelling and cute little rhyming

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1149780528870617282006-06-08T10:26:00.000-05:002006-06-08T10:28:48.953-05:00

Look at his circumhorizon arc (or rainbow). It looks like a painting.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1149567822122162572006-06-05T23:13:00.000-05:002006-06-06T00:19:11.343-05:00

Today, I strolled through Menard's, looking for a hoe. They had hoes on sale, and I'm always down for a cheap hoe. I walked up and down the aisles, but couldn't find a damn hoe anywhere. Just when I thought there wasn't a damn hoe in the sto', I found an employee. He was white, with white hair and looked to be about 55. I asked him where I could find the hoes that were on sale. He gave me a blank

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1149608051021898262006-06-05T23:10:00.000-05:002006-06-06T10:34:11.096-05:00

My friend, Kristin, has started her own blog. Kristin is famous in Jimmy lore, for it is she who took the photo of my spandex-clad ass. So you have her to thank (or blame). Anyway, I told her we have the coolest posse on the net, so swing by and say hello when you have a minute.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1149532251093022732006-06-05T13:26:00.000-05:002006-06-05T13:38:13.636-05:00

I'll bet the toilet lids are always down where these ladies live.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1149046942446342552006-05-30T22:30:00.000-05:002006-05-30T22:43:57.893-05:00

You are looking at the skull of Dracorex hogwartsia (Dragon King of Hogwarts. Yes, in honor of Harry Potter), a newly discovered dinosaur that lived 66 million years ago in what is now South Dakota. I'll bet she was real cuddly.In other news: Scientists grow artificial penis in lab. What else do you need to know? All I know is that I can live the rest of my life without reading "penis

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1149046128882850882006-05-30T22:11:00.000-05:002006-05-30T22:30:27.183-05:00

In the mid-90's, two friends and I were on our way home from a Dwight Yoakam concert in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. We crested a hill, and drove head-on into a Black Angus bull loitering in the middle of the highway. My seat belt held me tight, or I would have flown deep into the night. We made it to the side of the road. None of us had ever been in an accident where air bags were deployed, so we

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1149044806474563792006-05-30T22:05:00.000-05:002006-05-30T22:06:46.626-05:00

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1148410054727154122006-05-23T13:31:00.000-05:002006-05-23T13:48:26.150-05:00

I came across this quote from Leonardo DaVinci's "How to Make an Imaginary Animal Appear Real":If therefore you wish to make one of your imagined animals appear natural—let us suppose it to be a dragon—take for its head that of a mastiff or setter, for its eyes those of a cat, for its ears those of a porcupine, for its nose that of a greyhound, with the eyebrows of a lion, the temples of an old

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1148092178099803392006-05-19T20:51:00.000-05:002006-05-19T21:29:38.176-05:00

Remember that scene in The Naked Gun where Leslie Nielsen leaves a press conference to take a piss and leaves his lapel microphone on? As funny as that scene is, imagine if it had happened in church. I saw a picture today of Britney Spears "almost" dropping her child. Okay, folks. Enough is enough. Leave the poor gal alone. If I had paparazzi up my ass to document every time I dropped,

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1147806575217591982006-05-16T13:45:00.000-05:002006-05-16T14:29:27.743-05:00

Yesterday, while driving on the highway, my wife narrowly missed a collision with another vehicle whose crazy driver was either fleeing the police or unconscious behind the wheel. Only a matter of seconds or less separated her from a nasty crash that could have been fatal.She told me this over the phone, and it dawned on me immediately that I could easily have had the sheriff or the state patrol

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1147709810903494222006-05-15T11:00:00.000-05:002006-05-15T11:16:51.120-05:00

If you're into that sort of thing . . .

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1147706398512609892006-05-15T10:02:00.000-05:002006-05-15T11:53:55.456-05:00

I can't remember where I saw it, so I can't link to it for you, but I read a good one-liner about the upcoming The DaVinci Code movie. "In response to the upcoming film, Christians plan to blow up movie theaters, and Christian Heads of State will call for the murder of Tom Hanks." Heh, heh. Get it? I also heard white people dancing referred to as looking like "wine-making slaves." Heh, heh. Get

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1147319393775992132006-05-10T22:28:00.000-05:002006-05-10T22:55:39.346-05:00

Okay, Davis, here's my newspaper story. I tag everyone.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1147304423742173532006-05-10T18:31:00.000-05:002006-05-10T18:43:11.006-05:00

For the low cost of 100 pounds (about $186), you can by a 2% ownership in the Holy Grail if it is found by the sellers. Your investment will entitle you to 2% profits from the sale or commercial exploitation of the Grail, and you will be allowed one sip from the legendary cup, although you'll have to provide the beverage and the sellers cannot be held responsible for "the mysterious powers of the

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146946002582423332006-05-06T14:13:00.000-05:002006-05-06T16:39:39.316-05:00

School is out for the semester. I've noticed that there aren't many students my age. They either young enough to be my children, or old enough to be my parents. I have noticed that the young gals like to have me around . . . so they can copy my notes and have me in their study groups. Oh, well. Speaking of school, I've noticed that people are really absorbed in their Ipods and cell phones. I

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146942018689785772006-05-06T13:57:00.000-05:002006-05-06T14:00:18.743-05:00

The debate is raging—could the U.S.S. Enterprise destroy the Death Star? Tree, tell 'em they're crazy to even ask . . .

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146759844003667262006-05-04T11:18:00.000-05:002006-05-04T11:24:04.006-05:00

They don't call it "extreme makeover" for nothing.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146759429870539472006-05-04T11:11:00.000-05:002006-05-04T11:24:45.973-05:00

Heeyy! Owww! It's a museum, hah! Git on up! A museum of sex machines, heeey! Zabba-dooba.Sorry.Other odd museums here.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146584969023711322006-05-02T10:46:00.001-05:002006-05-02T10:49:29.060-05:00

I suppose it's possible this has been Photoshopped. Either way, it made me laugh. You can have the burritos, amigo, but you'll only get my pizza when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146520838549542662006-05-01T16:51:00.000-05:002006-05-01T17:12:57.243-05:00

That unique musical interval, tritones, that gives heavy metal music its creepy sound, was actually banned in the Middle Ages. It was called Diabolus in Musica, or the Devil's Interval.It's a fascinating article, but Tree may have to give us a layman's explanation of the musical theory involved.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146500534173844452006-05-01T10:11:00.000-05:002006-05-01T11:31:02.116-05:00

I ran across this article in Maxim about a book I read a couple of years ago, The Collector, by John Fowles. It's about a disturbed young man who collects butterflies and moves up to collecting people.According to Pat Brown, a criminal profiler quoted in the story, only the Bible has had a greater influence on the minds of psychopathic killers. The Collector has been linked to 5 serial killers

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1146496073138648402006-05-01T10:04:00.000-05:002006-05-01T10:07:53.183-05:00

The Supreme Court has ruled that Anna Nicole Smith can use the federal courts to try to claim part of her "late husband's" billions. I think this is great. After all, this was not a marriage of love, but a business agreement. Anna Nicole would get a buttload of cash, and J. Howard would get a piece of ass. Well, J. Howard got the piece of ass, and now it's time for Anna Nicole to get the

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1145740905600070142006-04-22T16:20:00.000-05:002006-04-22T16:21:45.646-05:00

It suddenly occurred to me that there are now millions of women who would rather be married to me than Tom Cruise. So there.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1145663949463953402006-04-21T18:53:00.000-05:002006-04-21T18:59:09.496-05:00

Here's a site where you can make your own comic strip. See my piece of crap here.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1145590099927601722006-04-20T22:03:00.000-05:002006-04-20T22:28:20.010-05:00

I need an interpreter for this one . . .Last night, I had the strangest dream. I'm in an airport in Colorado. I'm chasing a woman who may or may not be my wife. I chase her outside onto the runways and she escapes by jumping a fence. I turn around and see two young women (a blonde and a brunette) standing behind me."She got away?" they ask. "Yeah.""Well, we wouldn't let you get away."(A good

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1145249541489060152006-04-16T23:48:00.000-05:002006-04-16T23:52:21.493-05:00

Okay, so it isn’t midnight, but it always seems late when everyone else is in bed. We had an Easter egg hunt for my girls this weekend at my parents’ house. While watching them blaze through the yard, piling eggs into their baskets, I had one of those moments where I say to myself, “Wow. Look at how frigging smart they are.” My girls are 2 now, and there is something about their

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1145244490859579132006-04-16T22:16:00.000-05:002006-04-16T22:36:54.043-05:00

As you can see by looking around you, Spring has sprung, and one of my favorite parts of Spring's return is that it's time for the ladies to break out the tank-tops, shorts and sandals. Unfortunately, it also means that tank-tops, shorts and sandals are back for the men.About the sandals, fellas. Unless you're going to the beach or working in your yard (and I say "you" because I take care of my

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1144816632503345202006-04-11T23:29:00.000-05:002006-04-11T23:42:14.236-05:00

I sat in my chair tonight before film class (we watched "Aliens" tonight—life is hard, I know) reading Delights and Shadows, a book of poetry by U.S. Poet Laureate and Nebraska native Ted Kooser. I came across this poem that so moved me I just had to share it.MOTHER Mid April already, and the wild plumsbloom at the roadside, a lacy whiteagainst the exuberant, jubilant greenof new grass and the

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1144611930582500222006-04-09T14:11:00.000-05:002006-04-09T14:45:30.736-05:00

We now watch "Peter Pan" or "Cinderella" on a daily basis, depending on which one my daughters request. "Peter Pan" is an old favorite of mine, so it's fun to get to watch that one over and over. "Cinderella" is one I'd seen once or twice, but I've really grown to love this movie. I've become something of a film connoisseur, and when I evaluate it's story structure, script and music, this is

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1144609776164297942006-04-09T13:55:00.000-05:002006-04-09T14:10:43.453-05:00

According to a recent scientific study, Kylie Minogue has about the perfect ass. The mathematical formula that proves it is (S+C) x (B+F)/T=V, which obviously means: S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness. V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1144451551703814892006-04-07T18:10:00.000-05:002006-04-07T18:29:29.703-05:00

Okay, it's my turn to post a few quizzes I took. These are addicting . . . and sometimes eerily accurate.Jimmy --[adjective]:Banshee-like'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.comTake this quiz at QuizGalaxy.comNice epitaph, huh?

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1144354465363821732006-04-06T15:07:00.000-05:002006-04-06T15:14:25.366-05:00

Here's something interesting. American Forests, the nation's oldest non-profit citizens' conservation organization, will sell you offshoots of trees associated with famous people. For example, you could order a live oak from the Edgar Allan Poe Museum's Enchanted Garden, or a bur oak from Simm's Cave, which inspired Mark Twain to write "Tom Sawyer." How about a weeping willow from Walden Woods?

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1144353889452086282006-04-06T14:58:00.000-05:002006-04-06T15:04:49.516-05:00

I've posted a new sketch at my story blog titled "Men of Oak." Long ago, I read an article claiming that Halloween originated with the Druids going from house to house, demanding human sacrifice (a treat). If the chosen family denied them a sacrifice, the Druids would curse the house (a trick). I know this bit of history is highly debatable. Either way, I thought it would make a great story. I

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1144239459790901672006-04-05T07:13:00.000-05:002006-04-05T07:20:53.526-05:00

I'm reading Iris Murdoch's "The Unicorn," and came across this interesting exchange between Hannah and Marian: "I think, don't you, that one ought to cry out more for love, to ask for it. It's odd how afraid people are of the word. Yet we all need love. Even God needs love. I suppose that's why He created us," said Hannah. "He made a bad arrangement," said Marian. Funny or sad, depending on

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1143876722523192762006-04-01T01:31:00.000-06:002006-04-01T01:32:02.606-06:00

I will kill your leaders and convert them to Christianity!!!

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1143872240385158222006-04-01T00:13:00.000-06:002006-04-01T00:17:20.430-06:00

I've posted a new story at "Sketches of an Hour." Hope you enjoy.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1143866647086657452006-03-31T22:29:00.000-06:002006-03-31T22:44:07.163-06:00

This is mostly a question for the guys, but I suppose the gals could speak to it, too. Have you ever been in a public restroom, and the person next to you farts so loud you instantly stop peeing? I didn't think it was physiologically possible to stop pissing in midstream, but last weekend I was standing at a urinal, and the bloke next to me let out a trombone blast that nearly scared me out of

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1143688472141609452006-03-29T21:13:00.000-06:002006-03-29T21:14:32.193-06:00

I couldn't believe this story about Whitney Houston. Absolutely heartbreaking.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1143608316818817692006-03-28T22:05:00.000-06:002006-03-28T22:58:36.960-06:00

Saw that on a bumpersticker. I watched that "Funniest Home Videos" show Sunday. If I see one more video of a dog (or something else) terrifying a little kid who runs around screaming while the dad laughs and videotapes it, I'm gonna fucking kill someone. That shit ain't funny. In my Film Studies class, and I noticed that nearly everyone, during down time before class, is on a cell phone,

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1143267524201052442006-03-25T00:15:00.000-06:002006-03-25T00:18:44.236-06:00

(That's a Richard Pryor line. Sorry for the obscure reference.)Scientists are stumped by a woman who can remember everything, and I mean everything. She can bring back dates and historical details in a snap. She can remember the weather and events from her personal life . . . there would be no living with this woman.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1143209759171703242006-03-24T08:11:00.000-06:002006-03-24T08:15:59.210-06:00

Addwaita, a tortoise believed to have been 250 years old, has died in a zoo in India. If the zoo records are accurate, he was the world's oldest documented living animal. Oh, the stories he could tell.Fare thee well, old man.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1142865314598418802006-03-20T08:26:00.000-06:002006-03-20T08:35:14.683-06:00

I'm sure I don't have to tell Tree about this. It's a show on the History Channel about the influence "Star Trek" had on the development of gadgets such as computers and cell phones. I haven't seen the entire show, but I caught part of it the other night. He talked about a primitive computer people could order and put together. It was called Altair (after the Altair system, but you knew that),

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1142864685647815592006-03-20T08:23:00.000-06:002006-03-20T08:24:45.650-06:00

A man donates skin to make a new penis for his cousin. No, really.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1142864340120567472006-03-20T08:17:00.000-06:002006-03-20T08:19:00.213-06:00

This is interesting. It's the Popular Science Movie Awards. My favorite category? "Most Irrationally Beautiful Mathematicians."

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1142626280108411312006-03-17T12:58:00.000-06:002006-03-17T15:21:41.006-06:00

A bumpersticker I saw yesterday: "Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?" I'm beginning to think that Big Brother (the dictator, not the show) may not be such a bad idea. All around there are plenty of indications that people are completely incapable of handling freedom. I'm no exception. I look down at the steadily growing spare tire around my waist and realize that I can't be trusted

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1142627279844089902006-03-17T12:57:00.000-06:002006-03-17T14:27:59.963-06:00

This is funny. Just keep hitting "refresh" to get a new one.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1141954612317603842006-03-09T19:28:00.000-06:002006-03-09T19:36:52.320-06:00

I felt a disturbance in the Force, like Fletcher and Davis were in need of a really good laugh. Also, I offer this as a lesson to my daughters. Girls, someday you will find yourself in your teen years, and you will be convinced that your parents are the squarest people on the planet, and you'll probably be right. Just remember, though, that when we say we once did some nutty things, you can

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14787367.post-1141482724070412932006-03-04T08:29:00.000-06:002006-03-04T08:32:04.126-06:00

A simply gorgeous panoramic view of Paris, with Chartres Cathedral in the center (I think).You gotta see this.

Jimmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00695039697676788817noreply@blogger.com3